Last week I ran 30 miles by myself. I left the house at 6am, and didn’t return until 4pm. Driving time took about an hour each way, and I stopped for food before heading home, so total running time, including stops, was almost 7 hours. And, I absolutely loved it. Friends comments ranged from “I can’t believe you did that all by yourself” to “I guess there are worse things you could do with your time.” I just smile and nod, because why try to explain something that some people will never understand? My long runs, in the woods, exploring new trails, are my church. It’s where I brainstorm, ponder, wonder, practice mindfulness, and appreciate. 

I’m not a short distance runner. I run marathons. I want to run ultras. I will run and run and run and hike a little. My feet will ache, my breath will grow rapid, my stomach will growl, and my legs will leaden. But my eyes and ears will be open. I’ll notice the tree canopy, the breeze, the color of the flowers. I’ll wonder at a noise, and think it’s a mountain lion. I’ll think about how eerie it is to be unable to see past the fog. 

I’ll contemplate a conversation I had yesterday, and I’ll mentally compose an email, or I’ll try to make sense of an argument or someone’s political affiliations. I’ll think about how tired I am, how I need to reconnect with an old friend, or that I can’t believe someone said that. And in between all of these thoughts, I’ll think of nothing at all. And the miles will pass. The minutes will pass. 

As I move forward I acknowledge the miles with acute awareness that I have found the thing that makes me happy. That makes me feel strong, capable, and accomplished. Seven years ago, I didn’t know that being a runner would become an integral piece of my identity. But when I started running I found a confidence that made me want to keep trying, to dedicate the effort and focus to keep getting better. This is why I don’t get lonely when I run. I don’t wish I were somewhere else, doing something else. I don’t miss late nights, doing things that were fun but didn’t make me feel good about myself. So, I don’t feel bad when others don’t understand. I have chosen this for myself, and I do this for myself.